i exist..therefore i need to hang around ..

2009-08-03T19:44:00.001-07:00

It all started like any other morning . Joe returned to his desk after a hot cup of decaf. He had the usual lousy morning, a tussle with wife at home, marathon run towards the train station in the cold rain . And an early morning meeting with his boss Larry . " A week is all what we got , actually 6 days. They need it by this saturday night !!" . "This saturday night? Dude arent we not talking about an universe here? " .
Larry : "Ok , so how much time ? "
Joe : " I really need a couple of weeks with unit test".
Larry : " We can fix the bugs later, i just need a prototype by saturday evening, we can put in features late , I already commited. "

Joe: "Lets talk about the requirements more clearly ?"
Larry : "Well the usual. Set of people , life , space time , evolving stuff "

Joe :" hmm..can i use python ? "
Larry : "Whatever..we dont really care about performance here".
Larry " I am sure you love this job !! you get to play God !!"

Joe wasnt particularly thrilled about being God. He really didnt care. He really didnt care a lot for the people in the universe he created. Not that he was mean or anything . He was really sincere about his work and he did a great job to maintain it too. But as a creater , you really dont care. Most of the prayers and stuff are automated. And served on the basis of a random number generator. And a framework is in place to make sure that ignoring prayers didnt really matter. Enough religious stuff about prayers and faith is part of the whole deal .

Joe has done this before. He has a model which he tweeks often to create universe. Throw in a lot of parameters, do a lot of feasiblity tests, and test for a couple of weeks, you are good to go. "i shall use gravity as a primal force this time. I love things and people falling down". Joe had to make sure that he obfuscates the code so that people dont find out the secrets of creation. At the same time, he had to expose enough so that scientists have fun. So he put the obfuscated quantum logic in the center and easy gravity stuff for long distances. The deal is that ultimately there is nothing to know, all the pain and lack of fun is supposedly fun . Anyways Joe didnt care a lot for the people but more about doing the right job.

Is the night here yet ?

2009-04-12T20:49:00.001-07:00

Enough is enough . I need to get out of this prison once for all, to be done with all the suffering. Enough of theories and consolations. The pain is unbearable. Time to leave. I believe in my theory so much as i want to die to to it prove it right even posthumously . Who is complaining ? Who is crying ? Who am i ? What the heck is this mind ? Life flows between these opposites. Hope and despair . Let it all go !! It is amazing that after seeing myself in everyone and everything, the sorrow and obsession and the individuality still must be able to continue !! Let it go !! I want to fly forever in a sky with no boundaries !! And there i create my shackles on my feet again !! Enough of this dance of life . I want to rest in thy arms once and for all. Time to dissolve in the peace of myself and sleep in my own arms forever..with all the coziness and comfort and being rocked to back to sleep for eternity with all the love !! Oh Lord, when will my neediness stop ? Gratitude for all the love ever. With tears of pain, love , contentment and completeness.

Buddha and the backpacker

2009-01-21T22:26:00.001-08:00

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=28080741&postID=6538524426347926523

2008-12-22T19:53:00.001-08:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Spiritual Tree Hugging Self-Knower

joy of life !!

2008-05-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

This happened too spontaneously...before i loose this clarity , i need to jot this down...

the joy of being completely opening yourself to the world is tremendously beautiful. Living with no agenda, with no expectations. Just being there for people and handling situations completely as for the moment.. , with no expectation to receive anything.....but just to give..how beautiful and fulfililing that is .

it takes tremendous courage and faith to be like that...it is a free roller coaster ride of no resistance....the rewards..( there you go the agenda is back...looking for rewards...) ..ok not rewards...the results happen to be complete liberation..and joy ....exactly when you did not care about it...

how profound and beautiful is this world design !! ..live selflessly so as to be happy !! isnt that a contradiction..forget every thing and live selflessly..the happiness follows you .happiness happens exactly when you dont look for it !!

in gratefulness of every moment i got a chance to serve..and make a little difference to someone..

my love to the whole world...every soul..every atom....

self obsession :)

2008-04-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

Krishna incarnated as chaitanya mahaprabhu so that love of krishna could be imparted to people. Gosh, isn't that the height of self obsession ? When Krishna was asked to comment, it seems he causally remarked "yeah it happens when the whole universe is sort of me alone.....also i was a bit bored" .

Clarity !!

2008-04-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

From time immemorial , the great grand old debate has been happening with the philosophers ..Is the supreme truth impersonal or personal ? Is God personal or impersonal? Though Advaita acharya Shankara himself had put an end to this by exhorting to chant the holy name of Govinda to the seekers for self realization and Krishna asserted in Gita that "I am the Brahman", and Ramana clarified that there is no difference between love and knowledge, the followers continued arguing with each other. Even today you see facebook groups like this where you have vehement arguments. http://uta.facebook.com/group.php?gid=13442635099

Personally i have been going through this too as well in my search of truth . A conflict between Shiva and krishna, between the impersonal and personal, Ramana and Chaitanya, the grandeur of the non duality vs the melting love of krishna. And my Guru is too smart and least bothered about any intellectual and philosophical issues ( enlightenment has its own issues you see :) ). Anyways, maybe thanks to His Grace, finally it all came to end for me this weekend and the clarity dawned. I have been a regular visitor at the Ramana maharshi temple and have experienced deep rest and peace in the company of truth in the Advaita discourses. And this weekend i happened to visit the Krishna temple and experienced this ecstatic devotion and love. And finally , the resolve is this : With all things being equal, Krishna wins hands down for me with such amazingly tasty food at the temple . ( Well Ramana temple didnt even have food )...Well now thats whats I call clarity !!

karma

2008-02-18T17:18:00.000-08:00

Every time i become a victim of my feelings and acting unconsciously i am being a product of my karma. According to my wisdom and the need of the hour, i intent on doing something. But i am not able to do it because i just don't feel like it or do something else unplanned unconsciously . This is stupidity and falling under the weight of karma. And this is a vicious circle, as more you fall under the grip of karma, the denser the karma becomes. On the other hand, you can cut the karma with your awareness. You become aware of the feeling , but fight it back according to your will. And the more you exercise your will the more willpower you get. And this independent will, the purushartha is the sword to cut your karma. The daily life is a great opportunity to slowly realize that the only problem to fight is your own mind and attitudes. And there is no problem "out there". We can always choose to act according to our inner wisdom. The more we exercise our will, the more our circle of influence becomes and the more powerful we become. Hence it is important to be watchful of our negative tendencies. And when we see something negative in us, there is nothing to feel bad but we have all the reasons to feel happy , because we get an opportunity to remove it . The fact that the the only kurukshetra to be fought is within gives us such tremendous freedom. We are responsible for our own freedom and happiness and not factors outside. The more we smartly deal with our negativities with our awareness and independent will the more powerful we become. And the whole journey is being watchful and being peaceful during the whole road, constantly fighting the battle within and at the same time being peaceful knowing that all is .

loads of love ...

2007-11-06T17:32:00.001-08:00

hmm.."i" have again started identifying with my suffering.
I realize i am seeking for love and to be intensly loved .
I realize i am seeking for happiness.
It is amazing how i love to be sufferable
even by building a theory not to seek love
and trying to get a todo concept out of the isness.

No conclusions !! no theories !!!
All that is ...awareness...and a 100 percent approach to the wood and water.
Yeah i do need a theory ..a blade to cut it !!
without getting hurt !!
or do i ? The empty impermanent temporally manifested I !!

Lotsa love to the world as my self

amazing articles

2007-07-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

work and meditation.

http://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/vedanta/only-kitchen-work.html
http://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/vedanta/everything-is-worship.html
http://living.oneindia.in/yoga-spirituality/vedanta/everything-is-worship-partii.html

yoga vasishta

2007-02-19T02:37:00.001-08:00

"Steady in the state of fullness,
which shines when all desires are given up,
and peaceful in the state of freedom in life,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"

"Inwardly free from all desires,
dispassionate and detached, but outwardly active in all directions,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"

"Free from egoism, with mind detached as in sleep,
pure like the sky, ever untainted,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"

"Conducting yourself nobly with kindly tenderness,
outwardly conforming to conventions, but inwardly renouncing all,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"

"Quite unattached at heart but for all appearance acting as with attachment,
inwardly cool but outwardly full of fervour,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"

The big lies

2007-02-05T15:52:00.000-08:00

God and enlightenment are fictitious lies invented by the mind , like every thing else, including our own identities and dramas ( and this post :) )

imaginary remedies.

2007-02-04T15:08:00.000-08:00

imaginary diseases..imaginary remedies..
what a racket !! what a corn game !!
what cruelty !! and what magnanimity !!

PS : i felt so good when these lines came to me .So much that i wanted to write my name beneath these lines with the date and time .....How i love to get into the trap of imaginary diseases ? ....I hate you lord :) ......Give me my elixir !!

THE movie

2007-01-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

Wow..that was a great movie. Amazing...literally mindblowing !! Definitely the best till date...You are great !! Aha..
What ? there was none.
There was ..i loved it ...uh..may be you are right. I am not sure now...Aho ...WOWWW.
Om.
silence.

overhead during an enquiry :)

2007-01-30T22:17:00.000-08:00

overhead during an enquiry :)
----------------------------------
I could tell you a lie which could point you to the truth . I am not sure on this one, but you can take a risk and trust me.

How do i trust you ...and why ?

Dont you see i am ready to kill myself to tell you the truth .

why do you do that

Because......may be i would die and become my source...may be i had enough..i am not sure on this one.....i dont have a clue ...

i dont know ...this conversation is killing me now.

just the way i wanted.

----------------------------------------------------

Life after birth ?

2007-01-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me the other day "Do you believe in life after death now that you practice the 'art of living' . I thought "I am not sure,But i definitely started believing in life after birth now:"

:)

L subramaniam

2007-01-17T17:03:00.000-08:00

I was listening to L. Subramaniams mayarangankal a while . I wonder which ragam was that . google search kinda suggest that that was saraswati priya. Anyway ..the music was so amazing..Like it carried me through a river flow..so serenely and so flowing........How brilliant ? how amazing !! ..

Normally when i hear great music i kinda feel how i wish i could sing or play like that. This was one like "I am so grateful to get a chance to listen to this " !!

Love and peace

Grateful living ?

2007-01-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

I love everything about the counterculture and the beat generation : music , arts , philosophy , poetry, spirituality, mind altering drugs, technology, left-liberalism. Sometimes I wish I was there. Or may be I miss it like I was there. I love everything they loved and I hate everything they hated. By the way, it is interesting to note that i started loving counterculture only after getting to be a part of the art of living family. Before that i was a confused soul between trying hard to fit my philosophy rather my way of life into the social norms, hedonism and computer software ( which i still love ). It is amazing how I started appreciating quality art , some of which include poetry ( tagore, ginsberg ) and good literature (hemingway , kundera) , art movies ( tons of them ) , philosophy ( huxley , hesse, camus ), great paintings, nature after getting into spirituality. It is like i opened up to this more beautiful and vibrant and mystical universe. Also my interest in modern physics grew so much too.

So much about me and now getting to the main point; Once ( 2001 , July ) i was sitting in the Vishalakshi mandap with Guruji ( Sri Sri Ravi shankar ) in a satsang and every single soul there was swimming in an ocean of happiness. For a split second, I just became aware of the whole place. I wanted every one I love, ( my mom foremost ) , may be every one in the world, to be there and feel that ocean of bliss. This is the height of joy and I absolutely don't want anything more than this . It was like this song title by Shakti "What Need Have I for This? What Need Have I for That? I am Dancing at the Feet of my Lord All is Bliss. All is Bliss" . And then I knew why i missed the 60s. I was meant for being born in these times when my Master is going to come and sweep away the world with His love. And recently when I was talking to Vikram bhaiya, I told him we must record every satsang of for the sake of mankind all over the world and for posterity and He said "yep we must, we are like the grateful living"

How well said "Grateful living" !! Art of living could be summarized as the Grateful living movement . I missed the grateful dead times, but i am much more happy to have the grateful living !! Art of living truly opens up one to a life of commitment , conscious living , making each moment a celebration. Oh Guruji i miss you much :)

PS: By the way, I relived the 60s lately for sometime in a string cheese incident concert ( san francisco, Dec 30th 2006 ) . It was a dream come true. String cheese is absolutely amazing !! What a joyful sound !!

Grateful for the existence.

2007-01-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

One is grateful because the universe is. One is grateful because the sun rises and the birds sing and the flowers bloom and the clouds float and in the night the sky becomes full of stars. One is simply grateful because there are mountains and rivers and oceans and deserts. One is simply grateful because there are animals and human beings. Such an incredible existence, so far out! Such a celebration, so psychedelic, so colorful! Such a dance of energy!--Osho

children and the enlightened

2006-12-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

I have been spending a lot of time with my cousin's kids ( as well as rhea a while ago..beens and malls daughter ) last couple of days, and it is so amazing the way they behave. They smile, cry, jump, go crazy, sleep so well ..And they way the smile and laugh is so much from the heart, it melts me totally.

As they say, children have a dead mind. ..events happen to interest them only till they last...Everything is right now and every action is spontaneous. How can i just totally be like them...Just be i guess !!....The mind wants a how to...trying to make a howto concept, which would keep it safe and happy "Always"....uhhh...there i go conceptualising the concept recursively..what else can my mind do .....and let me ignore it and be...and smile like a kid and go crazy and weird.

time to play soccer with srinidhi
tons of love and kisses ...

Subject/object/reality

2006-12-02T00:58:00.000-08:00

The universe or or reality or existence is a result of different combinations of subject and object relationships.

In the so called daily life, the object is apparently indepenendent of the subject. When we are not observing , we presume the existence of an object there. My house exists when i am not looking at or the world exists when I am sleeping. This is the newtonian world of reality , but it is only an appoximate sense of reality. The reality which is closer to truth would be the quantum reality.

When you have a closer interplay of subject and object where the subject is creating the realtiy , you have the quantum reality. In the quantum world ,the presence of the subject creates the object. The reality is created through observation. The act of observation creates the subject and object. This merges its boundaries with the transcendental reality below.

When there is NO subject and only object ( ie when there is no I ) or where there is ONLY subject and no object ( Only I and no universe ) , you have a transcendental reality. You are either everything or You are nothing ( Brahman consicousness - the sages ). This state is a physical nothing and there is nothing to talk about . This is the nothing from which the act of doing something emerged ( like a thought? ) which creates the so called universe we agree upon. ( Do we ? )

also you are nothing-> you are everything and vice versa.

Soham

Ramana Maharishi

2006-11-08T21:25:00.000-08:00


He is still around us, bow and invoke his grace. Some retro scenes of Bhagwan in the living flesh. Om Namah Shivay

being and nothingness !!

2006-11-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

Uh...got "That" again....( my salutes and gratitude to Guruji and Ramana )....thank me and the existence and the divine...But this time "I" shall not say anything..never again make the mistake of conceptualizing the subtleties of the absolute..there is nothing to say...it is equal .or may not even worth pondering....equality arises only when you make the effort of equating it...why do it .....there is nothing to talk about it..what is there to say ..and who am i say to.........just be.....

Love and hugs to everyone...

my first blog

2006-11-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

oops..me too got a blog...yep..i am going to be immortal.....my presence would exist on this plant till the end of cosmic dissolution......hey by the way, when you read this it is possible that cosmic dissolution is around.....so watch out....for those dark clouds across the window..

hmm..the reason i start a blog..is not that i can post regular stuff that can excite people...but one of the reasons is that i do get beautiful thoughts..and i feel a bit constipated if i don't write them down.....this constipation applies both for beauty as well as pain.....there were times when life was so beautiful i just had to pen them down ..tell someone etc.....these days it is of a much lesser degree...and sometimes pain..some time beauty......may be i am rambling....ok ok.. .i am not running on chemicals now..not even black coffee... trust me..

uh..sigh..i don’t know what to write anymore....one thing i wonder about good blogging or any piece of good writings. Do the writers really care whether it's for an audience...or not...by the way..i am digressing and wandering….the blog must be a good example of a wandering mind..coz i am uncommitted with no plan for the blog..so it can go anywhere ...mostly stupid places...may be like anti bush or microsoft bashing...but as they say all those who wander are not lost...

..I also plan to start a private blog just for me ..( may be this one is that if i dont send this link to people ) ..for the catharsis of my angst..my deep existential angst which is a parcel of graduate education..the ups and downs of a life of a monk....and the joy i get from being spiritually grounded..as well as the pain i get when i am not...things which are deeply personal to me...and i may not have a friend around to tell them....i could write all that stuff in here.....oops am i doing that right now?

Hmm....sometimes I also want to tell the world so much.. I want to be this Guru who would want to give jnan to everyone...so this place could be that as well....well not now.....i have clothes to wash and code to write before it is night..

hey i can also write my todo lists here..like the fact that i am running short of undies .. as i have a two week wash schedule..and hence i can remind my self here to buy myself more undies...oops i finally started loving writing..i have a reason to blog...

back to the good times...there was some point of time when life was so beautiful that i fancied writing a book and stuff...but life has taken a turning point in which i need to do a good job at writing good research papers with proofs and stuff..

Anyways...my first blog...i may never dare to publish this..and this great piece of writing might be buried in the blogspot server making it impossible for the people who are around the cosmic dissolution, to have something to feel happy for..

the future version of this blog shall answer some of my existential questions like ..am i happy being a graduate student etc, are the undies cheap if i buy them online etc..

Love and peace for everyone out there...( watch out for those clouds outside though )......

.may everyone in the world be peaceful always..

om shanti..